she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
