She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
