were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
