Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
