When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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