life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
