A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
