He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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