I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
