You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
