guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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