you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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