I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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