I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
