Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
