No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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