i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
