you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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