Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
