oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
