I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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