well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
