i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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