He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
