I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
