Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
