I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
