She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
