i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
