just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
