Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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