ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can I color on your dick again?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
