Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
