NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
