Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
