in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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