Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
