Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
