he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
