Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
