I heard we made out
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
