My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
