I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
