on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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