wanna go halves on a baby?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
