i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm always down for nudity.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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