White coat. Heels.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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