Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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