Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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