no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
