You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
