and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
