The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
tell me about the eggs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
