My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
