im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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