I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
