respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
