Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
