Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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