If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
