you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
