Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
