Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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