One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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