I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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