i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
