Non-Jews are for practice
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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