one might say we're banned from that church
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
