dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
