having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
