I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I currently don't understand fingers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
