I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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