I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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