he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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